30-year-old woman wonders if she exaggerated by telling her 28-year-old boyfriend to plan his own birthday dinner: 'He has been staying with dad because “I ruined his birthday”'

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jun 26, 2026 1:45 PM EDT

When the birthday requirements are over the top

We definitely deserve some form of special treatment from our loved ones on our birthdays, and if we are lucky enough, we get it. Having said this, some people demand a little bit more than special treatment and command week-long tributes, constant attention, praise, and presents. All the while believing those requirements are an obligation for the people around them. Beliefs like that are really hard to shake, and that's exactly what happened to the woman who shared this story about her boyfriend's birthday on Reddit.

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  • photo of a birthday cake
    via Steephen Wheeler

    A photo of a birthday cake representing the one from the story

  • AIO for telling my boyfriend to plan his own birthday dinner?

    I (30F) and my boyfriend (now 28M) have been together for 5 years. This year I decided to throw a surprise party for him since his birthday was on a Monday, I did it the Saturday. I was able to use
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  • my friend's AirBnB, that wasn't currently being rented that weekend, to have a nicer place and to reduce suspicion since I do an overboard deep clean. I didn't have any help and I work about 70 hours a week so I decided
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  • to go to my local grocery deli department to get food and the cake for the party. I ordered some decorations and went on my lunch during the week to set them up. I put a lot of thought effort into this and I was spent a lot of time
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  • getting things together and planning. On the day of the party, (Saturday) i gave him his gifts and I spent all day doing one of his hobbies with him, and trying to keep him busy. He wasn't
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  • happy that I wasn't doing anything for his birthday (as he knew of) and he wanted to do other things but that would spoil the plans. (He wanted to go to a city 2 hours away and spend the weekend out there, but I needed him
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  • here for the party he didn't know about yet) I made some plans with a friend so he went out with him while I ran to the Airbnb to finish setting up things. It was a pretty good turn out, about 25 people.
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  • Our friend got him the house and he was very surprised. Everyone ate, drank, and had a good time. Lots of laughs. The night went really great. Everybody left, I cleaned it all up by myself while he sat down and brought
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  • things into the house when we got home. That night, he thanked me a million times and kept telling me how amazing the party was. The next morning I was beat, we got home late and
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  • I cleaned up everything by myself. I worked all week, and had a health issue on top of everything with the party and I needed a break. I bought him food from his favorite places all day, even when he had a lot of leftovers from the
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  • party. He pretty much was upset all day because he didn't want to be home. I told him to go hang out with his friends but he refused. I asked him what he wanted to do and he would just pout and not want to do anything other
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  • than go to that town two hours away. He wouldn't even attempt to ask his friends if they wanted to go and I think it might be because he wanted me to pay for everything but I was pretty tapped out. I spent pretty much $1,000
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  • for everything for the weekend including gifts and getting things to participate in his hobby that I don't even really like, I just put on a smile and did it for him. I don't make crazy money so in general so that's a lot for me.
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  • I go to work Monday and he asked me if we could go to dinner since it was actually his birthday. I said yes, he told me that I needed to invite all his friends, call in a reservation and pay for it. to make it up to him for not
    via GarbageStation666
  • a group of men eating in a restaurant
    via Zach Reiner

    A photo of a group of people representing the dinner the man should plan with his friends 


  • What’s interesting to me about this story is that the boyfriend seems very unwilling to contemplate the possibility that his demands might be a little exaggerated. The theme is irrelevant to me; what stands out as a red flag is the inflexibility. That trait is one of the most potentially disruptive to a relationship. To have a happy partnership, the most important ability you need to have is the power to adapt, the power to listen, and to compromise accordingly. Of course, we can’t compromise on everything, but don’t we all agree some things are just less important than others, or are we really going to say EVERYTHING is relative? Come on…

  • planning anything on his actual birthday and only one day and not whole weekend. I feel insulted and hurt. I told him he can do it himself and i wouldn't be attending. I reminded. him that on my birthday a few months back, we only
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  • did things he wanted to do, and I didn't get anything planned for me with friends or something special. Not even a simple $15 cake that he can just grab from the Walmart bakery two minutes down the road. He has never put
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  • half of as much effort into my birthday as I have done to his for the 5 years we have been together. I understand this is not a competition, and we don't. really one up each other on anything, but I don't get how I ruined his
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  • birthday??? This obviously turned into a fight and since we live together, he has been staying with dad because "I ruined his birthday." Idk. if we are breaking up or what because he will not
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  • talk to me. I'm hurt and insulted. I don't understand how I am the bad guy here. Am I overreacting for telling him that he should plan his own dinner and I did not attend?
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  • man in superhero costume sleeping on sofa
    via Vitaly Gabriel

    A model representing the boyfriend sleeping on the dad's house with a very childish costume


  • If he is really planning to break up with her over this, I have to say, even though it’s probably going to hurt, because every breakup hurts, it’s nothing more than a case of good riddance. Imagine spending your life with someone who can’t get past a conflict about a birthday celebration. I don’t mean to be mean, because birthdays can be important to some people, but they are surely not what defines a life or a relationship, so if he can’t get over this, he is, on the one hand, ridiculous and on the other hand childish. I hope she gets a boyfriend she doesn’t have to babysit! Or at least that it offers her the same treatment he expects.

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relationship advice relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
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